Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
How do we try applying for medicaid to help pay nursing home when she makes too much w/ benefits to reduce VA...
Hang in, Austin. It's a lot of stress, and you are already stressed, but you'll get through it. Keep us posted on how you are... Hang in, Austin. It's a lot of stress, and you are already stressed, but you'll get through it. Keep us posted on how you are doing.
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How do we try applying for medicaid to help pay nursing home when she makes too much w/ benefits to reduce VA...
Very well put, Eric. I hope you continue. The five year look-back is important, too. They will check back five years to see if you've... Very well put, Eric. I hope you continue. The five year look-back is important, too. They will check back five years to see if you've given away any substantial assets in order to qualify for Meidicaid. Medicaid is for those who truly can't pay their own way.
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How do we try applying for medicaid to help pay nursing home when she makes too much w/ benefits to reduce VA...
Austin, I can see why you are overwhelmed! The paper work is a nightmare. The thing about Medicaid is that your assets do have to be spent... Austin, I can see why you are overwhelmed! The paper work is a nightmare. The thing about Medicaid is that your assets do have to be spent down. An elder lawyer may be able to help you in some states, but states have the say. They follow Medicaid rules (Federal) if they want funding, so most do. That means you can’t have much besides your house and car before they will pay.
I don't think the nursing home can tell you the number of hours of aides you have to hire, but social workers from social services may be able to do an evaluation, and then maybe they can get you some help.
But Medicaid is for those who can no longer pay, and unfortunately, the amount of money you have must be very little in order to get help. Your Social Services people can help you there, but if you can find an elder attorney, I'd go there first.
The social worker from the nursing home is not the person who knows Medicaid. Medicaid is complicated and these social services are specially trained. They are specialists with your county/state. Usually a social worker at a nursing home is there for discharge purposes. It all gets very confusing as everyone's job is limited. That's why a legal representative is good if you have significant assets. If you don't, the Medicaid people can help you sort it out. Once you go to see them, they will want records of everything and will need proof of all of your assets (and your husband's if there are things that are separate).
The elder lawyer will need to know all of your assets, too - how much money is coming in, bills owed, property owned, cars, everything, in order to help you. The attorney can’t help you without knowing everything you have.
I hope you can go that route first. It's all a nightmare when you aren't feeling well and don't know what to do with your husband. Our hearts are with you.
Carol see more
I don't think the nursing home can tell you the number of hours of aides you have to hire, but social workers from social services may be able to do an evaluation, and then maybe they can get you some help.
But Medicaid is for those who can no longer pay, and unfortunately, the amount of money you have must be very little in order to get help. Your Social Services people can help you there, but if you can find an elder attorney, I'd go there first.
The social worker from the nursing home is not the person who knows Medicaid. Medicaid is complicated and these social services are specially trained. They are specialists with your county/state. Usually a social worker at a nursing home is there for discharge purposes. It all gets very confusing as everyone's job is limited. That's why a legal representative is good if you have significant assets. If you don't, the Medicaid people can help you sort it out. Once you go to see them, they will want records of everything and will need proof of all of your assets (and your husband's if there are things that are separate).
The elder lawyer will need to know all of your assets, too - how much money is coming in, bills owed, property owned, cars, everything, in order to help you. The attorney can’t help you without knowing everything you have.
I hope you can go that route first. It's all a nightmare when you aren't feeling well and don't know what to do with your husband. Our hearts are with you.
Carol see more
Question
How do we try applying for medicaid to help pay nursing home when she makes too much w/ benefits to reduce VA...
GeriSW has a good grasp on this. In general, you have to spend down the assets before you can get Medicaid - at least in North Dakota,... GeriSW has a good grasp on this. In general, you have to spend down the assets before you can get Medicaid - at least in North Dakota, where I live, we did. My parents were allowed tokeep very little. And the five year look back period is an issue now, where they will not exclude anything given away in the past five years from her assets.
I'll be looking for Geri's input, as she can help us all with this.
Carol see more
I'll be looking for Geri's input, as she can help us all with this.
Carol see more
Question
What can I do when Mom gets depressed about not seeing her parents and want to go "back home"?
MaggieSue, you do have more complications, as your mother has other mental illness as well as dementia (likely). Still, arguing is draining... MaggieSue, you do have more complications, as your mother has other mental illness as well as dementia (likely). Still, arguing is draining too. It's often nearly impossible to decide which route to take, as no two instances are alike. You are being abused by your mother, which isn't new for you. Are you getting any counseling? It doesn't look like your mother would be responsive, but maybe it could help you cope. Have you looked into antidepressants and a qualified doctor for your own health? You are being severely challenged by your mother's illness. Trying to cope alone is not enough. Support may not be enough. I hope you are getting medical attention. There's only so much one person can do alone. You seem pushed to the limit.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
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Question
What can I do when Mom gets depressed about not seeing her parents and want to go "back home"?
This is my guess: Your mom (I'm assuming she has dementia and is being treated, if possible) is going back in years. She feels younger,... This is my guess: Your mom (I'm assuming she has dementia and is being treated, if possible) is going back in years. She feels younger, maybe even like a child. She is frightened and wants her family and you are less (sorry, this hurts) her family as she couldn't possibly have a daughter YOUR age!
What to do? See if she needs a med change for the anxiety she is experiencing. Distract her by taking her to another room - some people even drive around the block and say, "were home now." Whatever works.
Tell her she will soon see her parents, siblings, etc. They are excited to see her, too, but it will be a little wait. Agree whenever you can, as you know arguing is counterproductive. This is a time to put yourself in her place. She doesn't know herself. She's frightened and wants Mommy and Daddy. She doesn’t know the old lady in the mirror as herself, and may even think it's someone following her.
This is a horribly frightening place for her to be, and dreadful for you. There are meds that can help some of these issues, but a lot of it is play acting. Talk to her a lot about what you and she are doing so she understands.
And please, please get a break for yourself. Is there an adult day care nearby? She would get diversion by going to the "club" or "circle" or whatever you want to call it, and you'd get a break.
Please keep checking in.
Carol see more
What to do? See if she needs a med change for the anxiety she is experiencing. Distract her by taking her to another room - some people even drive around the block and say, "were home now." Whatever works.
Tell her she will soon see her parents, siblings, etc. They are excited to see her, too, but it will be a little wait. Agree whenever you can, as you know arguing is counterproductive. This is a time to put yourself in her place. She doesn't know herself. She's frightened and wants Mommy and Daddy. She doesn’t know the old lady in the mirror as herself, and may even think it's someone following her.
This is a horribly frightening place for her to be, and dreadful for you. There are meds that can help some of these issues, but a lot of it is play acting. Talk to her a lot about what you and she are doing so she understands.
And please, please get a break for yourself. Is there an adult day care nearby? She would get diversion by going to the "club" or "circle" or whatever you want to call it, and you'd get a break.
Please keep checking in.
Carol see more
Question
Why aren't there as many options for good home care as there are for assisted living and nursing homes?
Austin, every state has an ombudsman. Go to www.ltcombudsman.org and type in your state, or go to your state's Web site and look under... Austin, every state has an ombudsman. Go to www.ltcombudsman.org and type in your state, or go to your state's Web site and look under aging services. This is totally unacceptable. When my folks were in a nursing home, fluid above all else was encouraged. Even when there was no appetite, it was, "What kind of juice would you like? Do you want a cup of coffee? Tea? and of course water." Always water (fresh) by the bed. To be told this is "silly" is an affront to all the home should stand for. I generally advise working kindly with the staff, but this is horrible. An ombudsman is independent of the home or any agency. Please keep us posted on how this goes
Carol
PS - bed sores shouldn't happen. They need to be turned every two hours or more see more
Carol
PS - bed sores shouldn't happen. They need to be turned every two hours or more see more
Question
Why aren't there as many options for good home care as there are for assisted living and nursing homes?
One of my answers posted too quickly. I was going to refer PCVS to www.govbenefits.gov and/or www.benefitscheckup.org to see if her mother... One of my answers posted too quickly. I was going to refer PCVS to www.govbenefits.gov and/or www.benefitscheckup.org to see if her mother qualifies for more benefits.
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Question
Why aren't there as many options for good home care as there are for assisted living and nursing homes?
PCVS, it is getting harder. Each state makes cuts and the cuts are often on the backs of Social Services. It's a sad comment on our... PCVS, it is getting harder. Each state makes cuts and the cuts are often on the backs of Social Services. It's a sad comment on our society. see more
Question
What Home Alert System is the best for elders who live home alone?
Lifeline is a leader. They've been in business for decades. Monitronics is a reliable one, also.
Carol
Carol
Question
Why aren't there as many options for good home care as there are for assisted living and nursing homes?
Great advice, Chez. In many states the program is called SHIC (State Health Insurance Counseling). Other states have different names. The... Great advice, Chez. In many states the program is called SHIC (State Health Insurance Counseling). Other states have different names. The Medicare site above is good, or else just type in your state name and find the main site. This will lead you in the right direction and you'll find a phone number.
Take care and good hunting,
Carol see more
Take care and good hunting,
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Question
Laughter in the midst...Of Caregiving.
Amen! My uncle was all to obvious about where his goat was tied. : )
Question
Laughter in the midst...Of Caregiving.
One of many of our family stories is that my uncle was a very ridgid military man with the retired rank of Colonel. That is how he liked to... One of many of our family stories is that my uncle was a very ridgid military man with the retired rank of Colonel. That is how he liked to be addressed. One man on his floor at the nursing hoe obviously didn't like my uncle (understandable), but knew how to get his goat. He would call him "Corporal." My uncle would turn purple! It was hilarious.
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Question
Why aren't there as many options for good home care as there are for assisted living and nursing homes?
BGB, You've done what you needed to do, and now you are turning it over to people who should be responsible. Good for you.
Carol
Carol
Question
Why aren't there as many options for good home care as there are for assisted living and nursing homes?
There are some assisted living centers in my area (I spoke at one where the food was so good and the apartments so nice that I wanted to... There are some assisted living centers in my area (I spoke at one where the food was so good and the apartments so nice that I wanted to move in) that are as nice as any retirement community, and better than most. They are expensive.
But as Chez says, getting people out to actually look at some really nice places is helpful. I realize not all areas of the country have top grade assisted living centers. But things are improving. One size doesn't fit all, either. There are options in private homes as well as those attached to nursing homes. However, there are some that offer only assisted living. It's good to look around well ahead of the time when a move is needed. Of course, we don't always know.
Carol see more
But as Chez says, getting people out to actually look at some really nice places is helpful. I realize not all areas of the country have top grade assisted living centers. But things are improving. One size doesn't fit all, either. There are options in private homes as well as those attached to nursing homes. However, there are some that offer only assisted living. It's good to look around well ahead of the time when a move is needed. Of course, we don't always know.
Carol see more
Question
Why aren't there as many options for good home care as there are for assisted living and nursing homes?
You are right that you need to live your own life. If she has four children, when they are called upon (as in you are not doing it all... You are right that you need to live your own life. If she has four children, when they are called upon (as in you are not doing it all anymore) someone will come forward. They are taking advantage of you. If you do it all, they don't have to. Let them know that you will be moving, that Grandma will need a place to live and that it's their responsibility to take care of this.
Grandma will fuss, but if you find a good place, she will adjust. Visit as often as you can to help her with the transition. Turn it over to her children. You can't be held hostage.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Grandma will fuss, but if you find a good place, she will adjust. Visit as often as you can to help her with the transition. Turn it over to her children. You can't be held hostage.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Question
Anyone using Coconut Oil for Dementia/Alzheimers?
Conventional treatment is with Aricept and/or Namenda to slow down the process. If the doctor says nothing can be done to slow the process,... Conventional treatment is with Aricept and/or Namenda to slow down the process. If the doctor says nothing can be done to slow the process, then you may want to find a doctor who understands that while Alzheimer's can't be cured, early treatment can slow the process for many people.
I can't imagine why a doctor wouldn't approve coconut oil, as well, even if the doctor doesn't think it will work. The doctor may not be aware of it, but Dr. Newport's Web site has lots of information.
It never hurts to get another opinion.
Take care,
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I can't imagine why a doctor wouldn't approve coconut oil, as well, even if the doctor doesn't think it will work. The doctor may not be aware of it, but Dr. Newport's Web site has lots of information.
It never hurts to get another opinion.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Anyone using Coconut Oil for Dementia/Alzheimers?
I've reviewed Dr. Newports articles (she sent some to me and I thought it was all very interesting). From my perspective, what is there... I've reviewed Dr. Newports articles (she sent some to me and I thought it was all very interesting). From my perspective, what is there to lose? I'd sure try it. It doesn't mean you can't go the conventional route, as well.
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Carol see more
Question
Any advice for a new full-time caregiver moving into position this week?
Take care, Catherine. You've had a lot of change and are very understanding. You'll be there for your friend.
Carol
Carol
How do we try applying for medicaid to help pay nursing home when she makes too much w/ benefits to reduce VA...
Look up the Medicaid waiver for your state, too, and make sure the elder attorney checks into that. Generally, the spouse can keep the house if one of a couple goes on Medicaid, but a lien will be placed on it by Medicaid if money spent gets that far. The elder attorney will know rules for your state (make sure this person knows Medicaid very well - you don't want any nasty surprises). You'll feel better once you've had legal counsel.
Take care, Austin,
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